I can’t emphasize this one enough. Yes, for the Peter’s and Mary’s out there, this isn’t a challenge in this country, but when you meet someone who has a ‘different’ name, avoid going ‘Huh??? What was that??’ with a bitter look on your face. Yes, I have experienced that my entire life with a name like Alok Appadurai. Instead, show curiosity, ask where the name came from, and ask that they pronounce it very clearly for you, and practice saying it correctly in front of them, and verify that you are saying it right. If you forget or are unsure, ASK them, instead of just slaughtering their name. Taking the time to learn someone’s name, especially for difficult names, will instantly put you in their inner circle!

I screw this one up all the time and I am very good with remembering names. There is nothing worse than writing an old friend and not being able to remember their wife, husband, or partner’s name! Write it down, if need be.

This dovetails with #5 but deserves its own slot because, well, their kids are unique in their minds, so they should be in yours too.

My dad was just with two old dear friends of his in the Boston area. The husband, who shows an amazing child-like curiosity for everything, diligently asked my father about what I was working on and thoroughly followed up on projects he remembers I was working over the last 5-10 years. It instantly wins people over when you ask after their partner’s and children’s interests, health, and dreams.

This one goes well with #3. People are shifty and always looking all around. I notice, however, when someone can calmly sit in front of me and look me in the eyes while we speak. It instantly signifies that they are present and that they actually care about what I am saying. There is no body language more powerful than eye contact. Use it. And if you fill your eyes with compassion, even better. It resonates with people. Just be present in your eyes!

This one is very difficult and is a daily work in progress. We live in a society that stratifies humans into layers. Think about this question: have you ever reacted to someone negatively? The answer is probably yes because we all have. Now, in your mind, close your eyes, and substitute Mother Teresa or the Dalai Lama in their place. Would you still speak to them the same way you did the other person? I doubt it. Treat everyone with the same level of dignity and respect. When I used to teach at schools, the first people I made friends with were the kitchen and maintenance staffs. I learned their names, etc. Why? Because they tend to get looked down upon or ignored in schools. Say “Thank you sir/mam” to the elder generation. Things like that. Respect is so palpable!

Last but not least, SMILE. When you see someone, SMILE as you are walking up to them. There is nothing more inviting than your smile. It instantly makes someone feel special. When you come home and see your partner, smile, even if it was a long day. Why? Because they care about you and will smile back, hopefully. A huge smile makes other people light up! It is a gift of energy that takes less energy than frowning. Use it often and those around you will feel unique!